theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
