I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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