I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
