lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
