if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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