i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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