I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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