East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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