I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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