I think my vagina is haunted
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
