Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
