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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
