walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
