Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
