He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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