There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
