He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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