i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
