This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
