You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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