I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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