so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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