i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i've created a new STD.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
