First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
