I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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