That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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