hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
