So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
