I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
