like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
