i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
