Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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