I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
