and she was petting her beer can
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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