i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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