I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it glows. i had to have it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
