Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
