I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think people are normalizing furries
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
