We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
