Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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