garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
