Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
