if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
