I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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