Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
