You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
