I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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