Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
