the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
