So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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