And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
