Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
