I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
