ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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