he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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