you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize