I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
