He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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