I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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