you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
