i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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