Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
