Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
