she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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