I'm going to jail i love you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
