I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
