The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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