Only a mothe r could love this liver
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize