accomplished twins. life is a go
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
